I love Guns -- Not those -- Grease Guns

This is a long tale about my favorite gun, the grease gun.

You know the ones that are always NOT where they should be, never have grease in them AND once refilled refuse to work. YES these are the guns I am referring to.

My love for these little equipment saving devices goes way back to when I was just starting my journey into the ever addicting world of bikes, trucks and backhoes. I was shown once that if I smeared grease onto a head gasket I could get it to seal (low compression B/S engine here) and it worked -- The first time, the second time I used the “gun” I maybe used just a touch too many pumps, they kill mosquitoes quite well, these little engines.

As the years passed I was always amazed at the state which these fine instruments of equipment life were left in. Most were neglected by the lack of knowledge about their proper use, some because they did not perform to the operators standards and yet others just did not perform at all. 

Now if any of you have used these arm pumping, hand cramping, WHY WON’T YOU WORK devices then it comes as no surprise that you also have that love HATE thing going on.

Right now if you were to count the “guns” in my arsenal you would no doubt smile and grin, maybe even laugh, as it is an average stock pile of GREAT, and not so great units from various vendors of such tools.

From the tiny little ATV grease gun to the big bad a** battery operated unit and everything in between. The hand ones worked great for the tight spaces under trucks for the mid shaft and slacks to ball joint and steering zerks.

These guns (when purchased from reputable dealers) performed quite well for their intended use. The arm pump guns were the choice of LET’S PUMP SOME GREASE into it situations, you know the ones where you have to force the gue into the pin and hope the zerk does not leak (have a few of these). They seem to work great & then just quit one day when you are out on the job and did not service it last night like you should have (I know you are nodding right now LOL) and you did not bring a spare.

Then there is the battery operated unit. I actually retired mine not too long ago, not because it did not work as it works GREAT, just no use for it so I put it away in storage (following instructions I might ad). This thing rocks, when we had the trucks and backhoes going full speed we did have a few individuals that worked with us, all were great people and treated our equipment well. We used to see just how far this “new” form of greasing gun could shoot (for science you know) .. The shop is 50ft, no issue, wall to door many times, we then had to move outside and see. 75 - 100 ft with the wind. OH yea this thing was fun to play with! Scare the dog, cat, not recommended for house animals as that stuff does not wash out of the rugs (not mine but someone I know). You could grease the truck in no time the only thing with it was it was WAY to powerful in the hands of less skilled folks. Replacing seals became a constant with this rig, so we put it on the shelf, out of sight out of mind.

The guns that we use make a huge difference in our livelihood, using them saves us money and keeps things running smoothly, so we do need them in our lives. In saying that, we also know that they are alive (just like the rest of our tools) and need to be cared for and appreciated, just like the rest of our family.

These guns also do know when we are in a hurry and remind us of that all the time with "its the little things that make life worth living" moments. You know like not holding on to the stuff that does not make us happy, that zerk for instance, that is just on the opposite side so you can not see it but still hope it’s on after 20 pumps. Yea that one. How enjoyable it is to finally crawl under just a few more inches to reach the next zerk only to have that wad of gue (insert seen of “something about mary” right here) drop at the exact time you look to see if you got it. Again you are nodding . Or the hinge pin on the front end that you put 3 to many into and the first time you lifted it to the top  the excess fell on your freshly cleaned front window when the the first truck is already there .

They also can sense when you are happy and in a great mood, they never run out of grease then, and when they get close to empty the give you that one “free pump” to know you had better have another tube ready to feed them.

On Days like this they would pump into zerks at nearly any angle and never over grease or leak. These are the days no one ever remembers because this is very rare day for the beloved grease gun. Most times they are very finicky and require sweet talking and pampering that is only reserved for that special someone in your life.

They know this and here is proof, a few years ago in a different life time I was enjoying a nice fun filled afternoon servicing Kermit (yes we did name our rigs) in a blustery -35 degree day when my beloved apparatus for lubricating the chassis decides it is the opportune time to stop working while under the rear diff of freshly washed rig.

I had put a new tube in and know for a fact it was working on the easy ones just before that. Well after a few choice words of encouragement and maybe a little persuasion I noticed my audience had grown to 2 of my guys and the dog looking and kinda not sure if they should be laughing or concerned for their safety. I imagine it would have looked quite hilarious, just the legs sticking out from under the wheels, kicking and struggling to not get wet as there was only a few spots that were dry and blue streaking a mile a minute.

Then one of the guys says to me as he is backing away “ YOU NEED TO TALK TO IT NICELY “ then he disappears.

Now I am under said truck surrounded by water, its freezing out and I am dressed in my winter gear and am oompa lumpa size. I look at my gun and lovingly ask it why it quit, I cuddle it best I can and tell it how beautiful it looks just sitting there. I grab it for one last squeeze and it works flawlessly.

I finish the truck, come in and tossed the POS in the trash can. Now if you are like me, when you retire a grease gun it is usually out of spite and not the fact that it will not work when asked to HA HA HA! No, it is usually that you have found another one and it is clean, no smear marks or grease rings on it. I have parted out grease guns that have been abused also. I never seem to be able to get rid of them even when disposed of they seem to crawl back to their hanging spot beat up and grease smeared big old clump of dried up grease on the end cause you did not have a rag handy last time you used it, handle bent from running it over with something or the body is squished. I have 2 with out ends ??? Not really sure how that happened but not going to chance throwing  the rest out as I might need some other part one day so it just hangs on the nail under the bench waiting for another day. 

So there you have it a brief (ok, long) tale from the shop about our favorite lube dispensing tool, the grease gun. Let me know your dirtiest, greasiest story!